Homer vs Mr. Burns

Mr Burns: I wonder if this Homer Nixon is any relation?

Smithers: Unlikely, sir. They spell and pronounce their names differently.

Mr Burns: Bah! Schedule a game and I’ll ask him myself.

Mr. Burns’ quips are hilarious, especially when describing Sector 7G grunt Homer Simpson, whose name he can never remember. In this case, he refers to Homer as a ‘lavatory links man’ in recognition of Homer’s short game skills in the power plant bathrooms. He is impressed by Homer’s ‘loose waggle’ but Smithers is quick to interject that ‘his waggle’ is ‘no match for yours, sir’. He talks up his golf game, remembering the time he played former president Richard Nixon. It isn’t long until old Monty is challenging ‘Homer Nixon’ to a round of 18 around the country club.

The highlight of Homer’s round is when he hits the ball into the bunker. An impatient Mr. Burns advises him to ‘quit cogitating’ and use an ‘open-faced club, a sand wedge’. Homer, unsurprisingly thinking of his appetite, is soon drooling at the prospect of an open-faced club sandwich. Mr. Burns is eventually found out not to be one of the best golfers in the world and had won every match because Smithers was cheating every time for him. However, Homer cannot expose him and is forced to silence by Marge’s hopes for membership to the country club.

Marge Fancies Jack Nicklaus

‘She’s the Jack Nicklaus of the pageant circuit.’ ‘Oh, I don’t know that she’s as attractive as Jack Nicklaus.’ [ Humming ]

‘I meant because they both win all the time, Mom.’ ‘Oh. Well, yes. That’s what I meant too.’

The greatest golfer of his time and possibly the best golfer of all-time was never likely to miss out on a Simpsons pop culture reference and the Golden Bear got his due in the episode ‘Lisa the Beauty Queen’. Lisa is apprehensive of her chances of beating Amber Dempsey, the favourite of the beauty pageant scene, thanks to her infamous eyelashes which were banned in the US but ‘not in Paraguay’. Her chances are compared to the chance of beating Jack Nicklaus in golf but Marge relates it on the basis of attractiveness.

Tom Kite Guest Appearance

‘Trendy guest stars were shamelessly trotted out to grab ratings’

Tom Kite was the only golfer to guest star in The Simpsons during its peak years. The 1992 US Open Champion did not disappoint with a humorous appearance. While Marge tries to fit in with the snobbish crowd at the country club, Homer takes to the course where he bumps into PGA Tour pro Tom Kite. He gives him a few pointers, telling him not to overthink and to pretend no one else is there which suits Homer down a tee. Kite is later seen instructing Krusty the Clown but sneaks away once Krusty is hit in the head with an errant tee-shot.

The great thing about the early Simpsons was that guest stars would suit the episode plot rather than the other way around. Kite was never golf’s star player but with his large-framed glasses and curly hair emitting almost a nerdy appearance, Kite was the model golfer which The Simpsons wanted to portray. He was unmistakably white and it was hard to imagine him succeeding at a more athletic sport. To Kite’s credit, he played his part well and he really enjoyed the experience.

Lee Carvallo Putting Challenge

“Welcome to Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge. I am Carvallo. Now, choose a club. (Beep) You have chosen a three wood. May I suggest a putter? (Beep) Three wood. Now enter the force of your swing. I suggest feather touch. (Beep, beep, beep) You have entered “power drive”. Now, push seven eight seven to swing.” (Beep beep beep)

“Ball is in…parking lot. Would you like to play again? (Beep) You have selected, “No.”

Lee Carvallo was the big video game of Christmas 1995 in Springfield, or at least that’s what Marge believed. Hoping to get the popular beat em’ up Bonestorm for Christmas, a frustrated Bart had to instead endure the wonderful tedium of Putting Challenge.

Because playing a full round of golf would be too exciting, the gamer’s experience was apparently limited to putting. In a time before Dualshock controllers and the Tiger Woods PGA Tour-era swing mechanics, swinging required the always difficult exercise of entering numbers. It truly was the greatest gaming experience and this joe.ie article accurately demonstrates why.

The Mini Golf Tournament

‘Let’s see, Golf… Anecdotes… Eisenhower and… Fashion… Humor… Japanese Obsession With… Ah, here it is: Putting.’

In an early Simpsons episode entitled ‘Dead Putting Society, the mini-putt greens were the battleground of the Homer/Flanders rivalry. It was Bart’s turn to be the pawn or in his words ‘those guys in chess that don’t matter’. His rival was Ned Flanders son or the Toddmeister as he liked to be called.

The duo were left with shots that ‘Jack Nicholson’ himself could not make. Bart’s preparation for the contest was un-Simpson like in its meticulousness with Bart practising meditation. He was also on a diet of ‘complex carbohydrates’. A tense affair ensued as a made-up British golf commentator described the action in all its hyperbolic glory. It was a battle between ‘two warriors…if one looked up ‘courage’, one might find a photo of these gladiators.’ When they agreed to halve the match at the end, the commentator poignantly stated – ‘Forgive this Brit for crying, but this is the most stirring display of gallantry since Mountbatten gave India back to the Punjabs.’ The episode was an excellent commentary on the perils of parents living through their children and Flanders and Homer got poetic justice in the end as, according to the regulations of a pre-game bet, they had to mow the lawn in women’s clothes.